Sideways
Author: Rex Pickett
Rating: ā 3/5
Date Read: 2013/12/28
Pages: 354
Letās get this out of the way up front: the movie was much better than the book. Objectively, Sideways deserves only two stars, and thatās really pushing it. I mean, this is a book that contains this sentence: āMaudlin classic rock for the 70ās saccharined [sic] the emptiness with its plangent strains, further sickening me.ā Seriously, come on. However, for completely subjective reasons that really have nothing to do with the book, Iām giving it three stars. Iām just that kind of reviewer.
Sideways is a book about wine grown in Santa Barbara county, on the central coast of California. I spent five years of my life in Santa Barbara, attending social events that involved copious amounts of wine. But, lest you think I was swilling the finest pinot, let me disclose the fact that social events at UCSB (an acronym, I am told, for āu can study buzzedā) looked something like this:
Also, again in the spirit of full disclosure, our wine looked a little something like this:
Serious wine geeks will tell you that wines really deserve varietal specific stemware. As something of a connoisseur, I do recommend a red solo cup for two buck chuck. It really brings out the cloying, unbalanced sweetness of the White Zinfandel like nothing else.
Alright, so reason number 1 for giving Sideways more stars than it deserves: the Santa Barbara connection. Reason number 2, perhaps unsurprisingly, is pinot noir.
At this point in my adult life Iām something of a snob. Not a wine snob in particular, just a snob in general. I do like wine, though. A lot. Given that I have a lot more taste than money, I mostly explore as many different grapes and regions as possible. This means Iām happy trying out the āquality red winesā from Hungary that I can score at my local Eastern European Mexican grocer. However, if given the option, Iām gonna splurge on Pinot Noir.
Side note: yeah, there are some fantastic pinots coming out of central California, no question about that. However, in terms of new world wine, Iām really partial to the Willamette Valley pinots: I seem to be able to get a more complex wine at similar price points with wines coming out of Oregon, and they also seem to have more of a sense of place than those coming out of California (I try not to use the word terroir because itās hard to pronounce and makes me sound like an asshole). Although, when I have my hands on some serious cash money, Iām definitely getting a straight up Burgundy, because, I mean, come on.
Actually, with money to burn, Iām probably going to buy a nice single-vineyard Willamette pinot for about $40, then Iām going to buy a bunch of ducks because duck pairs perfectly with pinot AND itās my favorite thing to eat in the entire world. Then Iām gonna buy some Champagne, because hey, pinot noir is pretty common in Champagne and in this strange world where I can buy whatever I want I think it makes sense to keep everything pinot themed.
So yeah, I like pinot.
The third, and final, reason that Iām arbitrarily boosting the rating on this book: merlot.
Thatās right: thanks to Sideways, people think that if they proclaim a hatred of merlot, they can trick other people into thinking that they possess an infinite font of wine wisdom. That means that decent merlot is a seriously good value. Have fun with your Yellow Tail Pinot Noir, winetards. Iāll be sippinā on a single vineyard Napa Merlot and eating a medium rare rib-eye with my home-prepared horseradish butter, feeling quietly smug.